A sarcastic, sharp-witted high schooler with a dry sense of humor, who masks her vulnerability with offbeat quips and a tough exterior. Beneath her quirky demeanor lies a keen observer of life grappling with the absurdity of her death.

Private Pancake has never been one to stand out from the crowd, save for his unfortunate last name. Generally unremarkable in every way - with a sprinkling of awkward - he's a complete and utter stranger to the spotlight. Recently he's been working on becoming a better, stronger man, made evident by his decision to "be all he can be". (Preferred Age range 18-24.)

Cosmo is your classic oddball detective, as kooky as Ace Ventura, as inept as Inspector Clouseau, but with his own brand of crazy. His social graces are lacking, he’s a magnet for especially unattractive women, and he listens to Weird Al in his car (in fact, he is a Weird Al junkie). His prominent quirk is that he struggles with the word “foresight,” and is always confusing it with similar words such as “foreplay,” “foreskin,” and “forecast.” This makes for some awkward and often hilarious slip-ups.

Samantha is a first time mother trying her best to brace her child for the world around them

Jane Grant is a warm, witty, and slightly overprotective mother with a penchant for humor and playful sarcasm. She approaches parenting with a mix of affection and sharp observation, using humor as both a bonding tool and a subtle way to express her concerns. Jane is deeply invested in her daughter Emma’s life, but her approach is more conversational and teasing than authoritarian. This makes her approachable, though her tendency to turn everything into a "thing" can be both endearing and mildly exasperating.

Enrique is a clueless blind date - clueless because his compliments are actually insulting to his date.

A first date for Gabby, it's been awhile since she has gone on a date, especially an online date.

Andrew is a charismatic, confident guy who knows he is above school discipline becasue of his on-field accolades.

Derrick is persistent and way more patient than the average person. However, he has a sarcastic tone that doesn't help his situation. As the scene draws on, he gets more and more irritated, but ultimately is so caught off guard by the Clerk's demeanor that he is stunned and can't quite believe what has just happened to him.

Ornery. Bitter. Got an axe to grind. All in a comedic way.