Charity J Zupan as Jackie
Character Description
Jackie works as an MA/receptionist in a small family doctor's office with her best friend, Sarah, who orders a lot of DoorDash. Jackie is quirky and always cracking jokes, mostly just to amuse herself.
Scene Description
David, a single 20 something, is delivering a coffee via a DoorDash-type service that he works for to a doctor's office. He notices that the name and order are the same as that of a girl he has wanted to meet, but never has, and won't today because he meets her best friend and coworker, Jackie, who is sarcastic and silly and likes messing with people when she's bored, especially goofy delivery guys who look lost.
Written by Dan Sandoval
Susan Willis
ActressPacing was a bit slow for this comedic scene, should be quicker since he's on-the-clock so you gotta respond to him before he gets back to the elevator and as the elevator doors are closing that line needs to speed up - evil laugh was a bit BIG for camera.. Eye line was just a tad too close to camera (in my opinion) maybe just a little further so it doesn't look like you are spiking the camera. Invisible props are hard to watch. if you had just had a cup to use for that last part, it would have been a bit more believable so you could really "take a sip" not just mime it. Nice set up!
Robin Bjerke
Actress | Writer | FilmmakerHi Charity, I would love to see more of the light-heartedness the "quirky best friend " is likely to have in a romcom. You also might try to find ways to let the viewer see the delivery guy's actions through your reactions. For example, he notices your name tag, so a quick glance down at it let's us know that you know you've been caught. You could also mirror his actions as the elevator is closing on him (see James Garner's move as the elevator door closes in "Move Over Darling") while you are delivering the bit about poisoning the drink. Looks like this was a fun character for you.
Mark Miertschin
ActorGood job! All the technicals were good. Light, sound. background, and framing were good. The beginning you look angry. I'm thinking more of a slight mischievous smirk getting ready to jack with the delivery guy. Kind of like the smile around :36. Nice evil laugh!
Clint Hankinson
ActorNice work Charity! Loved the choice of looking angry at the beginning then loosening up when you said you were joking. The technical stuff was great.
One thought - you might use the space a little more to physically show your interaction with your scene partners. It would make it even more interesting to watch.
Great job!
Tommy G. Kendrick
ActorGood job, Charity. Your background is great, good color, well lit and not wrinkled. Your lighting and framing are also very good. You're already ahead of the game. Two suggestions: Get an inexpensive wireless microphone you an plug into your phone or other camera and it will lessen or remove the camera noise and room tone that can be distracting. The other thing is, don't mime. Use a real cup or glass in a situation like this otherwise it takes the viewer out of teh scene. Two simple fixes. Good job.
